I have always believed that saying “sorry” will not act like a magic eraser and take away something said or done. I’ve only apologized ever to my wife for being the fuck up of a husband I am. She is a good woman and, in my opinion, the only one EVER deserving of an apology from me when I fuck up. I don’t feel like I’m some superior human or anything far from it. I’ve never cared if I hurt anyone with my words or actions because it’s not on me if they get hurt by something said. I can’t control their feelings.

With growth comes understanding, and I recognize everyone goes through their own version of hell. A hell, I know too well. Because of this, I would like to apologize to someone who was on the receiving end of my rage and caused me to lash out like a child. I don’t want to name anyone for their privacy, but I want to write to say that I am deeply sorry to my former GM at APH Radio.

We had a hurtful falling out, at least on my side. Actions were taken, and I lashed out like a child, and I’m man enough to admit when I fuck up, which is a lot, but until now, no one outside of my wife and kids has ever heard an apology from me. I am profoundly and, more importantly, regrettably sorry for what I said about not loving your wife and all the actions taken since that day.

I doubt you will ever read this, but I wanted to put my feelings into words in the rare chance you do. I will continue to talk about your character and how you reached out to me when my mom died. YOU. That meant and means the world to me even to this day, which is why it hurt me when you acted the way you did. I recognize why you did it, and even though I don’t understand it, I know you had the best intentions from your side of it all.

I am not writing this to get in anyone’s graces or favor because I still do not give a flying fuck what anyone ever thinks of me. I am writing this so there will be a permanent record of me apologizing and saying I am deeply sorry for any sorrow or hurt I may have caused you, your wife, or your family. I’m a dick, and I know this, but I had been working my ass off to build something, and you were taking it away from me. Something I’ve wanted for so long, and with one phone call, it was all taken away, and I didn’t understand why. How could you have the character you did when my mom died but then act like that after we had a gentleman’s agreement? It broke something in me.

I’m not beneath saying I fucked up. I do it a lot. I’m a work in progress. I live my life with absolutely no regrets, but how I acted and have continued to act until this point has disgusted me. That’s not who I am. I’m a dick, but not that big a dick, especially towards someone who offered me kindness after the woman who birthed me died. I still don’t understand it, but maybe I’m not supposed to, and all these years later, thinking about it, I realize you did what you had to.

For those that don’t know, when I worked at APH Radio in Birmingham, I had someone call me to report something as I was the only one at APH Radio trying to make it successful day in and day out. Day in and day out, I was working my ass off for that station. I was going to purchase it. We had entered into an agreement, and I was finally going to own a radio station of my own, something I sat out to have after almost dying just a few years before. I want to help people through radio, repaying the universe for how radio helped me when I needed it.

What I was told on the phone call I will stand by. I have no idea to this day who called me or why, but I have no regrets about bringing it to you, who verified EVERYTHING before I said anything. Hell, your daughter had her own horror stories about it. One thing I will NEVER accept is a man being inappropriate with women or kids, and I was told someone was. I don’t know who called, but someone did. I acted on the phone call and what I was told and brought it to you, who seemingly cemented everything I was told. You had your own stories with this person, as did YOUR OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER! So I thought it was all legit.

Again, I was told it was someone we now know it wasn’t. I wasn’t making it up; I had NO CLUE, but when you had your own stories, I was shocked, and that alone gave me the proof I needed that we needed to cut off our connection with this person. As I’ve constantly reexamined those events, I can only come to one conclusion: someone set me up. I’m not trying to pass blame; I accept my actions and would act the exact same way every time. I was told something. I brought it to my “boss” and my friend, who confirmed it and thought it was all settled. I had no idea it was all bullshit.

So when you investigated and found it to be baseless and the people who called me not being the people, I learned something; how you reacted was what pissed me off. I did everything I was supposed to do. I informed the owner and someone I considered to be a friend. I don’t have many people I consider a friend, and I considered you one. So when you acted in the way you did, it felt like I was being labeled a problem or, worse, a liar, which I NEVER want to be labeled. I will always own up to what I’ve done or said, and if there was inaccurate information, I would apologize to all wronged, but when you confirmed it all, knowing this person longer than I did, I took it as fact. To a degree, I still do.

I had people who were about to start earning paychecks with me as I was moving to put staff in place and everything else I was working toward, and the money I had spent to achieve a lifelong dream was taken away for something I didn’t create something I was used to perpetuate perhaps because of my outspokenness of my steadfast protection of women and kids. I do not and will not apologize for that. Then, it was all taken away from me and cost me untold amounts of money. I had contracts with people for my show and the station, and now my reputation was on the line. It pissed me off. I lashed out. I was hurt.

I am not trying to make this about me; I never would, but I feel my side was never taken into account, and since this is my platform, there is no place to better to say my side. I am not sorry for bringing it to you. I am sorry I didn’t investigate further because this all impacted my reputation, which I had worked so hard to create. In radio, our reputation with the audience is of the utmost importance, and mine was being destroyed without the chance of pleading my case.

So, I did what I do best. I said fuck it, I’m going to be the loudest motherfucker on the planet, letting them all know I wasn’t to blame. I made it personal because it was. My dream and my reputation are all on the line. I lashed out and revealed things I should never have revealed, said, or inferred when I had no business doing so. While I don’t accept that I am the only one to blame, I take full responsibility for my actions after the fact, and for that, I am apologizing to you directly.

I have always done my best to stand by my beliefs about who I am and will continue to do that. Taking away my dreams and causing my family and business hardships was what amplified it beyond a simple sit-and-chat. You became the enemy. You became my enemy, which contradicted everything I knew to be true about you. Everything you showed me after my mom’s passing. I lost someone I considered a good friend, and I know I can never repair or fix that, and I’m not necessarily looking to do that. I’m just stating again publicly for the record and all eternity, so long as this site stays up and exists that I fucked up, and I am sorry.

If by some chance you should come across this or the podcast I will be doing addressing this, just know it’s my effort to heal what I’ve done and the things I said. I’m not beyond apologizing just never had anyone deserving of this outside of my wife and kids, but for you, dude…you deserve it.

I am deeply sorry. Sorry for the pain I caused or didn’t cause. Sorry for how I reacted and how I treated the entire fucking thing. Writing words is easier for me than saying them, so if you see this one day somehow, just know:

I am sorry.